fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
At least make sure they are 18
Why
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
