Someone shit on the floor
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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