That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
