as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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