U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
