Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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