I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize