I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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