If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
