I wannas sexs uuuuu
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
