just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Sorry about my life...
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
