OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
