I puked a lego.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
