You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
