sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
