I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
