she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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