Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
