So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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