Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
