Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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