its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
