saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
