I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
