Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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