She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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