so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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