It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
The beer is more important than you right now.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
