Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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