Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
