His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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