my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
