next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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