i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
