Having a random hookup so left but love u
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
