So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
