in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
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