I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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