Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
