She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
