im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
