So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
