Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
