The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
