she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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