She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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