I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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