That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I deserve this hangover.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
