Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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