You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
