my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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