Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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