I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
