if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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