is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
