So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
