I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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