I'm sorry my penis didn't work
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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