I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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