oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
