Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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