I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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