theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
