i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
