Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
