He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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