When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
