Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
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My thoughts exactly.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Randomize
