remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
sarcasm needs its own font
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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