Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
My liver just broke up with me...
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
