Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
this boner is exhausting
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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