I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
