Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
