He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
