I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
