What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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