In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
