soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
