I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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