Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
