dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
