Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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