I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
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After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
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I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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