I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
