he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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