This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
