i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
