I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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