Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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