apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Still dying that you shit outside
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
