I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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