But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
